Barack: ‘The world’s a lot safer thanks to my Peace Through Appeasement doctrine!’

North Korea just ruthlessly shelled South Korea, killing two soldiers and two civilians. Iran continues to churn out enriched uranium for its nukes, all the while promising to wipe Israel off the map. China is rattling its formidable sabers, threatening Asian neighbors such as Japan and South Korea, and has warned the U.S. to stay out of international waters. Hugo Chavez continues to amass power, deploying his petrobucks to foment fascist revolution throughout South and Central America. Hezbollah has rearmed, primed to once again attack Israel.

Obama: Helmet on for safety

In response, the person holding the position formerly known as The Most Powerful Man on Earth… whines to the U.N. Security Council, shoot hoops with his posse and appears with the gals on The View (sample question: “Mr. President, may you live forever, when are you going to lock up those dangerous Tea Partiers who doubt your magnificence?”).

Putin: Projecting power on a Harley

Barack ‘Holiday’ Obama strolled into office two years ago promising to engage our enemies in mutual dialogue, treating as equals all leaders, whether democratically elected or apocalyptic lunatic. With sheer charisma and an open hand (and checkbook), Barack ‘I am a citizen of the world’ Obama would make the lion and the lamb lie down together.

Unfortunately as any 3rd grader knows, you don’t slow down the school bully by voluntarily offering him your lunch money. Obama’s feckless international adventures would be quite entertaining, except global strongmen such as Putin and Ahmadinejad are a tad more dangerous than Ricky Blutowski administrating wedgies to his classmates.

Barack O-bow-ma, demonstrating weakness to our adversaries

After North Korea attacked South Korea this past week, Obama called Chinese leader Hu Jintao to ask the communist leader to intervene with his client state. The Siesta Keyster has obtained a recording of their secret conversation. Unfortunately, we only got the President’s side of the conversation. We present a transcript to our readers as a model for how not to conduct foreign policy:

“Hello Glorious Leader Hu? This is Barack Obama, of the United States. What’s that? Yes, I’m the one who bowed to your valet during our last visit. How are you Premier Hu? Good, good. Have you persecuted any Christians or Falun Gongers lately? I’m so glad it’s going well.

“Say Premier Hu, if it’s not too much to ask, could you please consider suggesting that Kim Jung Il not attack South Korea again? You see, the Nobel Prize Committee has called and they want me to return my Peace Prize. What? Yes, they did call me the biggest embarrassment since the peanut farmer won. But if we can resolve this crisis without any more bloodshed, I’ll get to keep the Nobel and the $1.5 million as well.

“Oh, you want the $1.5 million, in $20s, and another $60 billion? Well, let me call Secretary Geithner as soon as we’re done here ask him to turn on the presses. What’s that? You also want a 747 full of Hooters girls? Yes, I think that can be arranged, Premier Hu.

“And it’s been nice talking to you as well, Mr. Premier. Of course Michelle and I would love to host you for a state dinner some time, especially now that you hold a mortgage on the White House. I just put the rent check in the diplomatic pouch and you should have it by Friday. Thank you so much.”

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One Response to “Barack: ‘The world’s a lot safer thanks to my Peace Through Appeasement doctrine!’”

  1. Janis Says:

    Ah, yes, glorious leader has embarrassed us once again. He is such a wimp!

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