Archive for April, 2011

‘Feel the sun on your face. You are content, at peace. Wonderful. Now… the world as you know it is about to end!!!’

April 26, 2011

Picture yourself on a quiet tropical beach. You feel the sun, warm on your face. The gentle surf laps at your toes. With each breath, you are filled with the sweet scent of the coconut and mango trees that grow down to the water’s edge. You relax your jaw and feel the tension flow from your face, your fingers and your toes. You are completely calm and at peace.

'The tension melts from your body as you bathe in the tropical splendor...'

You are now ready for today’s message: our nation’s government debt is actually north of $130 trillion. The U.S. and most state governments are houses of cards.  They will begin falling in a few short years. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth! Now!!

Yes, our profligate president and his Democrat allies are warring with Republicans over raising the current $14.3 trillion debt ceiling.  Even Obama, who has run up more debt than every leader of every nation of all time combined, acknowledges we may have to actually, ah, limit spending increases just a little. You know, “live within our means” by racking up multi-trillion deficits in perpetuity.

'Gently rock back and forth as the warm breezes carress your body...'

Frankly, it’s all chump change compared to the actual debt that’s going to start coming due in a very short time. You are still on that tropical beach! Put down that sharp object and get back on your towel this instant!!

Here’s the terrifying math, courtesy of Kevin D. Williamson of the National Review.

  • U.S. government debt: $14.3 trillion
  • State and local government debt: $2.5 trillion
  • Government unfunded pension obligations: $3 trillion
  • Unfunded state medical benefits: $1 trillion

Scary, eh what? Illinois, where Obama and his cronies honed their fiscal “skills,” will be the first domino to topple, probably in 2013 or 2014. But we still haven’t gotten to the big stuff. Remember, you are inhaling fragrant coconut and mango! Do not operate heavy equipment!!

  • Liabilities for Social Security and Medicare/Medicaid: $110 trillion
  • Amount saved up to pay for Social Security and Medicare/caid: $0
  • Liabilities for Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac: $1 trillion

'Driven to the brink by Barry...'

Listen to the waves as they lap along the white sand beach.  You feel the sun and are, really, really angry.  Ready to grab the nearest politician and… wait, release the tension from your fists, you are calm!!  Completely relaxed!!! You are at peace!!!!

Barack on his budget: ‘Taxes are the only way to create jobs and prosperity!”

April 20, 2011

After his first 2012 budget proposal with its $1 trillion-plus deficit was laughed out of the public arena last February, our President has been forced by polling data to re-engage on the nation’s dismal financial situation.

'All the Sesame Street characters are joining my reelection campaign and Richard Trumka has already trained them!"

In a series of bitter and vindictive speeches recently, BHO’s “Violent Torpedo of Deception” tour is generating more bad reviews than Britney Spears’ recent performance as Mimi in the Met’s production of La boheme. For those who missed Barack’s latest iteration of Deficit Hawk, here’s the Siesta Keyster’s summary:

“Republicans want to kill disabled children, women, seniors and minorities so they can give your money to white billionaires… but only the evil ones like the Koch brothers, not the good billionaires like my dear friends George Soros, Steve Spielberg and Sergey Brin, who are financing my reelection campaign. Therefore, I’m proposing higher taxes on anyone making more than $8 an hour so we can increase funding for Planned Parenthood, PBS, government workers and Michelle’s vegetable garden.”

Meanwhile, rating agency S&P threw up all over Barry’s fiscal house this week by downgrading its outlook for the U.S. from “stable” to “train wreck.”

'High gas prices are not important because my limo is always full!'

In response, the Los Angeles Times ran a front-page story by its 27-person investigative team revealing that Michele Bachmann shops at T.J. Maxx and doesn’t even know who Jimmy Choo is. “What is even more shocking,” the Times wrote, “is that Congresswoman Bachmann doesn’t have truffle oil in her kitchen.”

The strategy of Team Obama is clear: force Republicans to offer specifics for fending off bankruptcy and then attack every cut as tantamount to murder. After all, when your presidential record consists of creating international chaos by a foreign policy of “peace through appeasement,” Greecifying our nation’s finances and living like Louis XV with a 747, you have no choice but to go negative.

Republican plan to save the country: cut spending
Democrat plan to save the country: Who wants to save the country? Let’s raise taxes!

With the nation’s “media” providing unwavering support, Obama knows he has a decent shot at staying in the White House through 2016. Who cares if unemployment is 9%, Jihadists take over the entire Middle East with his support and gas costs $7 a gallon? As long as Michelle can go on The View and get all teary about childhood obesity while Barry can golf every weekend, all is well.

If you want to see what the future looks like should America sign up for another four years of Obama’s class warfare, just watch recent video of his anarchists and union thugs at work in Wisconsin. Not a pretty sight for the freest and most prosperous nation the world has ever known.

Barack: ‘My first term is going great but it’s going to take me another four years to finish this country off!’

April 7, 2011

The federal debt is at $14.3 trillion, spiraling toward the point of no return. Some eight million jobs have permanently disappeared, while a record 22.2 million Americans work for the government. The U.S. foreign policy of “Peace through Appeasement” has emboldened our enemies and led to worldwide chaos. Gas is over $4 a gallon and rising faster that 10 packs of yeast in a cup of warm flour. Inflation, ginned up by Charlie Sheen-like fiscal and monetary policies, is roaring inexorably toward the American consumer.

'If Sarah gets the Republican nomination, I've got a new haircut all ready to go!'

For some reason, none of these achievements made it into President Obama’s announcement this week that, “Hey, with everything in fine shape, I’m running for reelection in 2012!”

Ever the techno-hipster, our Vacationer-in-Chief relied on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and indigenous drum circles to make one of the most predictable proclamations in recent history (trailing only Bret Farve’s tearful retirement dramas). No old-fashioned press conferences for our Blackberry-toting Prez. Besides, that would risk Barry having to respond to a tough question from Fox News.

BHO also let it be known that he’s going to raise a record $1 billion from unions and trial lawyers to convince voters that “Winning the Future” is not the lamest slogan in the history of presidential campaigns. In response, CBS, NBC, ABC and CNN simultaneously stated that they will provide the Obama campaign with free air time during their newscasts on a dollar-for-dollar match.

'I'm excited to announce that Rev. Wright will join my reelection campaign to court the Jewish vote!'

NBC (National Barack Channel) kicks things off next month with a 13-part mini series, “Barack Obama and the White House: A Match Made in Heaven.” The series will be narrated by Bill Ayers and Andy Griffith, while Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez will provide the Spanish voice-over.

Not to be outdone, New York Times publisher Arthur “We Used to Be Relevant” Sulzberger held his own video conference. The half-bright scion said that both Paul Krugman and Maureen Dowd would use every column between now and election day 2012 to trash Republicans, especially conservative women and minorities, who after all, should know better.

“Sure, the United States goes bankrupt after President Obama’s second term, my mother showed me how to figure that out on my slide rule. But it beats having somebody in the White House who won’t do whatever my editorial writers dream up!” Sulzberger said.

'I'm really happy to have the Pinch and the Times back on board as the official newspaper for my 2012 reelection!

Most semi-coherent libs (there reportedly are several in the nation) know that Obama can’t possibly win if he campaigns on his record. Their only hope: go to the standard Democrat playbook and scare seniors and soccer moms.

Right on cue: after Republicans this week unveiled a 2012 budget that actually makes some fiscal sense, Dems were out in force, screeching about grannie being force fed kibbles by John Boehner while Paul Ryan padlocks the doors to every public school. Pay no attention to little niggles such as Obamacare stripping $400 billion from Medicare and death panels shoving seniors into hospice as soon as they get a hangnail.

The full fury of Obama’s news media and his unions, banker buds like Goldman Sachs and Silicon Valley limousine liberals will be directed at conservatives like never before. Meanwhile, our Dear Leader will spend his time between now and November 6, 2012 in full campaign mode, interrupted only by numerous international vacations and glittering White House parties.