Gov. Perry upends GOP presidential primary race…. BHO wraps up his bus(t) tour

The Siesta Keyster is worried about the mental health of our president.

'The hayseeds in the midwest loved my bus tour and I even ate a corndog!'

Americans are seriously upset about unemployment, the economy and the decline of our nation caused by Obama’s failed policies. Barack’s solution? Purchase two massive, blacked-out buses from Darth Vader and prowl the hinterlands bumming out the locals in diners and school gyms.

Midwesterners can breath easier now: BHO went directly from his taxpayer-funded Magical Misery Tour to his well-deserved vacation on a 28-acre beachfront estate on Martha’s Vineyard. After his nearly two-week retreat on the $20 million Blue Heron Farm in woodsy Chilmark, Barry promises to unveil his 229th “jobs program.”

The Keyster doesn’t mean to be cynical, but the only effective jobs program our 44th president could announce would be his own immediate resignation and repeal of his entire agenda.

Meanwhile, the race for the GOP nomination to challenge Barry next year has been totally reordered.  Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R: Smith & Wesson) officially tossed his Stetson into the ring last week, while Tim Pawlenty (R: Walleye) packed it in.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry takes aim at the White House... will his campaign be on target with voters horrified by the Obama economy?

In keeping with our commitment to provide an unbiased and unfiltered look at every presidential candidate, as a public service the Keyster staff presents this objective analysis of:

Age: 61
Full name, which doesn’t explain why he’s not called Jim: James Richard Perry
Background: Governor of Texas since 2000; born in Paint Creek to a family of ranchers; graduated from Texas A&M University with a degree in animal science; former Air Force captain, piloting the C-130; entered politics in 1984 and became a Republican in 1989; known to carry a .380 Ruger while jogging in the event a coyote attacks his dog; he and wife Anita have two children
Strengths: Texas economy is robust because of Perry’s focus on low taxes, less regulation and pretty much doing everything the opposite of President Obama; a true Washington outsider, unlike the current occupant of the White House; loves to verbally rough up political opposition; not a lawyer; openly discussed the secession of Texas because of the insanity coming out of Washington; backs up his pro-life beliefs with legislation designed to protect the unborn; chili is the state dish of Texas
Weaknesses: Was Texas chairman of Al Gore’s failed presidential primary run in 1988; issued executive order mandating that young girls get vaccinated against a sexual disease; wife’s maiden name was Anita Thigpen; blew up toilets in college with M-80 red salutes when it is well known that cherry bombs are much more effective in water
Compared to Obama: ∞∞∞ times better
Suggested campaign slogan: “It’s gonna take a Texan to clean this mess up!”


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2 Responses to “Gov. Perry upends GOP presidential primary race…. BHO wraps up his bus(t) tour”

  1. Bro Says:

    All is well with the world when the Keyster is back to profiling candidates. Mr. Perry would seem to bring sound credentials to the process, unless you want to ding him for lack of a black bus. With the BHO acting like a lottery winner most of the time, focusing on job perks, it should be possible for ONE of these challengers to put him out to an Iowa pasture. If we are forced to incur the damage that will result during the second term of this incompetent narcissist the country may take generations to recover. So please, one of you challengers step forward and take the lead.

    • Mr. G Says:

      Dearest Bro,
      Thank you for your support. We are most appreciative of all of our readers, especially those who. like us, rely on facts, not opinions. As we build our database for You Decide 2012, we know that most Americans will vote based on objective factors. Besides, we can’t afford a blacked-out $1.2 million Canadian bus for our upcoming Midwestern vacay. yours, the Siesta Keyster

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